Day 70 Sunday April 27th
It’s been a long day. I’m looking forward to climbing into bed and sleeping soundly. Hold your loved ones tight and tell them you love them.
In these times of austerity everyone has their own worries to carry. With wages and work hours being cut and part time jobs becoming more difficult to find you could be consumed by anxiety 24/7 and that’s before you start to worry about your health!
Work finished rather abruptly for me me last December, a week and a half sooner than I’d expected. I was a little devastated to say the least, but what can you do? You have to just keep on keeping on.
January didn’t hold any brighter news where work was concerned, funding would determine when I was brought back and funding didn’t seem to be coming fast!
So I decided that the only thing for it was a major job hunt and to think positively. I made a gratitude jar on New Years Eve and each day I wrote what I was grateful for on a piece of paper and popped it in the jar. Then I spotted the #100happydays challenge and decided to take it on. What really captured my imagination was the idea that the photos taken did not have to depict perfection. The idea that they should capture reality.
I realise that most of the moments that I capture are probably mundane and ordinary but I like that. Reflecting on the past 70 days has made me realise that each day is made up of many, many wonderful moments and sometimes we are too busy chasing the dream to recognise and appreciate them.
The past 70 days have not been free of worries, stresses and fears. However, the challenge has helped me stay in the moment, most of the time, and not dwell on things that are beyond my control.
There have been a few days when I struggled. Two in particular spring to mind.
One was April 11th. I was booked in for a triple assessment at the BreastCheck clinic in the Mater hospital. I’d attended my own doctor with a concern a week or so before and here I was on the 11th of April at 7.00am heading to Dublin. Happy days my arse! I can not compliment the staff at the centre enough for the work they do or the lovely way they deal with you. I’d never had a mammogram before and so was quite surprised and perplexed when my turn arrived and I caught a glimpse of the machine.
I’m not the best at getting out of the house in a hurry in the mornings so I arrived in Dublin with just a cup of coffee in my belly. The mammogram went surprising quickly and smoothly until I felt a little light headed. As we were nearly done I did consider just carrying on, the thoughts of me collapsing while clamped to the machine was the only thing that made me ask to sit for a bit. When I shared this bit of information with the radiographer we had a giggle.
I know, I couldn’t even have a routine examination done without being a drama queen! I skipped out of the clinic with the widest smile on my face and headed for something to eat. I’ve learned that even when we fear the worst there is a funny side if we care to see it.
The second day? Yesterday. Very early Sunday morning, so early we hadn’t been in bed too long, the house phone rang. I instantly knew something was wrong somewhere. Darren’s Dad had taken a stroke. When Darren left I made tea. I’m not really a big tea drinker but tea cures everything, right?
Eventually I slept. When I woke it took a while for me to remember that all was not as it should be. I walked the dog, drank more tea and waited. Darren came home, Jimmy was in a ward, comfortable and would have a scan and some tests later in the day. When Jake woke I realised that I didn’t really want to be an adult today.
We did all the ordinary mundane things you do of a Sunday and there were lots of smiles and happiness even though we could all sense and feel a little rip in the fabric that held our little family together. Jimmy is a huge support. He does so many things on a daily basis that we just take for granted. He was sorely missed at our dinner table yesterday and I for one will be counting the days until he strolls in and turns the kettle on.
He rang while we were making dinner. I knew by Darren’s expression that there was a considerable change in his Dad’s speech from earlier in the morning.
When we left him last night he was comfortable and looked relaxed. Fingers crossed he’ll be home soon.
Days come and days go. We rarely pay attention to them or think about how our lives can change from one day to the next.
“There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.”
― Mark Twain